In our day to day lives we take little things for granted. Human interaction, having a cozy bed to sleep on, and even the luxury of taking a nice warm shower everyday. Over the past 2 years my shower has had a slowly growing crack. It had gotten worse over the past couple months. Finally the property management sent someone out to fix it. For over a week I was without a shower. Without a bathroom for half the day. I didn’t think it would be a big deal. My uncle lives right next door so showering shouldn’t be a problem. But the day they tore it out I realized I was wrong.
I deal with a lot of stress. My job, my personal life, my family…. Its stressful. I have my own self care routine in place and never really understood that I did until I couldn’t shower in my own home. The days felt like they dragged on for years. I felt as if my hone was not my home. I was confined in my prison of a bedroom waiting every day desperately for an all clear on the bathroom. Every day was torturous. I was definitely not my new and improved self. I was on edge, I felt dirty no matter how many times I showered at my uncle’s, I was depressed. Not being able to shower when I needed to relax and unwind was draining the positive emotions right out of me.
After over a week of this mayhem we got a brand new shower installed. I stepped into the egg shell white colored shower, feeling a little unfamiliar with this new addition to my bathroom I felt around becoming more acquainted with the off and on mechanism. The sound of the water hitting the side panel was a nice introduction for the glorious feeling that was ahead. As the warm water ran down the top of my head and trickled down my back and shoulders I felt a thousand pounds of stress flowing down the drain with it. I let my brain run through everything that had been stressing me over the past week. Releasing it with every pit pat drip drop that spewed from the shower head. Closing my eyes as I lathered my hair with my shampoo, I pictured me being able to do this every day to come. As my shower came to an end I felt a brand new and ready to conquer anything once again.
I don’t think I ever really thought of having a shower in your home as a important thing until I didnt have one. It sounds so silly. Having anxiety and depression issues I have just come accustomed to being able to take my alone time in the shower. Regaining peace of mind with ever time I step out.
Keeping an eye up at the butterfly that continues to follow me as I walk to my alley, I think to myself how there always seems to be one gravitating to me. I lose focus for a moment as I dump my trash and make my way back to my deck. Its a gloomy day, I feel as if you shouldn’t see such a beautiful creature on such a grey day. But I do appreciate its beauty. Growing up I always noticed how butterflies always appeared during the most needed times for me. When I would feel lonely as I child one would follow me as I walked alone to school, on the way to sixth grade camp one kept up with the bus as we drove away, the night my Nana died one fluttered by the car window, and the day of her funeral I saw so many I couldn’t keep track. I know many of you will take this as a coincidence, but I always knew it had a special meaning for me. I just didn’t know what.
On this journey I have read articles, blogs, books, you name it on the wonders of the metaphysical life. One article that I found interesting was Spirit Animals. It was created by a spiritual coach. The article had a short quiz and you answered it and it would tell you your spirit animal. Before I began i said to myself wouldn’t it be interesting if I got butterflies….. Or even owls. My Nana had the same pull to owls that I had to butterflies so I’ve been drawn to them. Sure enough I got Butterflies, as I continued to scroll it said my secondary was The Owl. How it determined this by the questions asked I don’t know but it knew. It knew me.
I have a strong connection with insects. When it rains and all the caterpillars and worms flood the sidewalks I move them to safety. Im know for saving the bugs. If I see a slug or a snail on the concrete I move it out of harm’s way. I never enjoyed pouring salt and watching them bubble like my cousins. I cried. It broke my heart to watch them suffer like that. I believe my spirit is drawn to them for that reason.
I have a longing to feel free and to be one with creatures and the bird spirit animal is just that. I also have the ability to be objective and that’s where the insect spirit animal comes in. Spirit animals are there to help guide you along on your path. They offer you guidance. There are different types of spirit guides, but I believe mine are life guides. They are always with me showing me which way to go. They are a reflection of who I am. The butterfly helps me go through changes with grace and lightness. I have endured a lot of changes in my 26 years of life and this little guy has been present along the way to ease some of the trama. The owl gives me the ability to see whats hidden to most people. I am know for being able to tell the motives of a person when I first meet them. I am a very good judge of character. 8 out of 10 times with people I’m right. You can have many. Spirit animals to help you along the way, but these are the only ones I’ve noticed so far.
Be aware of your surroundings. Don’t just take that deer you see all the time as a coincidence. It could be your spirit animal trying to make itself known to you.
Starting this New Year I wanted to make some drastic, yet much needed changes. I am a people pleaser. I feel angst when people dislike me or are upset with me. It sends me into panic mode and I attempt to right a wrong that wasn’t even caused by me. Ive become a door mat to many people because of this. I have “friends” who only contact me when they need a ride, money, a babysitter. Im not on their minds any other time. Usually I will agree to their requests, but feeling used in the process. I read a post about things you should do in 2016 and one of them was about eliminating people like this in your life. It sounded dramatic and I could do without all the theatrics so I decided on my own approach.
I started the year off by writing down my friends. In blue I made dashes next to the people who positively impact my life. In green we’re people who I can’t eliminate, but can chose to avoid. In red we’re the people who drain me. They are the people who don’t uplift me. Seeing this visually really helped me understand who is important to keep around and who I can let go. Mind you I’m not going to call these people out and say “hey we are not friends anymore”, but I’m going to ensure my time is not wasted trying to nourish a one sided friendship.
I am growing and changing every day. Evolving into the person I have always wanted to be. Constantly making excuses for people who treat me like nothing is not beneficial to this process. Somebody said, “It took way to long for me to realize you shouldn’t stay friends with people who never ask how you’re doing” and that there has so much truth. Friendships like any other thing in life need to be nourished by both parties. Its like pushing a horse up hill, if it doesn’t want to budge you look foolish behind it.
Work on building the friendships you have with the people who build you up stronger and stronger. Plant your roots in their soul and grow together. Good friends are hard to find. Let them know how much you appreciate them.