“Don’t you ever doubt just believe”

Ivory Tribes

Those simple little words reached my soul in such a way that it felt like I was on the outside of my body pulling my own soul out and bringing it back to life. I’ve been so numb to things and the world around me. Not being able to fully experience your experiences is grisly. But on September 18, 2015 I felt alive again!

Dreading the whole idea of going to a concert where I would be standing for 4 hours straight listening to music I barely know to see one band I enjoy just didn’t seem delightful; however my boyfriend really wanted to go so I agreed. Waiting for the band to come one I was overwhelmed with anxiety because we were upfront and centered to the stage. Close enough that we could wrap our arms around their feet if we got the desire. A band by the name of Ivory Tribes was the first to play, an indie band from Dallas, Texas. These 5 young men will never know how deeply they energized and awakened my soul. They entered that stage and started playing and I felt a shadow lift from my eyes. It’s so weird to put into words, like what is this crazy woman saying? Music has always had a way of pulling me out of my depression, but lately I haven’t been able to connect to it enough to feel touched by it. I feel like this concert was exactly what I needed to jump start the “Let’s get lost” portion of my spiritual journey.

In order to grow as a person, to be fully changed you have to get out and experience life. Living your life in your home overly enthralled with your TV screen or your recent Facebook feed is damaging. Going to a music event, going on a hike, sitting around a table shooting the shit playing board games with your friends those are the types of experiences you need to survive spiritually. When we live our lives with a screen barrier all we see is a disillusioned distorted version of actual reality. We see what these people want us to see, not the actual factual version of what is going on in their lives. With this information that they give us we beat ourselves up over the fact that we don’t have what they have and we live to “top” their experiences. Our lives become consumed with Sandy getting a new car or Tiffany expecting her 2nd child and you’re still trying to have 1. It starts to make you despise your friends because you’re so overwhelmed with jealousy.

This year I have been trying to conceive a child. Every month that “beep beep” notification on my ovulation tracker nicely reminds me that it’s time to start baby dancing. For the next couple of days me and my partner do everything we can possible do to create life. Every 14 days after that, like clockwork, shark week arrives. I feel a lump in my throat and an oppressive pain my heart like someone won’t stop stabbing me with a screwdriver. I shut down for a couple of days and isolate myself so I don’t have to face the world and deal with the awful month ahead of me. The month is full of awkwardly laughing and shrugging off the questions of “Did it happen?” “Did you test? “Was it positive?” Nonchalantly avoiding the fact that the thing I want more than anything in this world seems so out of reach for me. The bitter jealousy sets in when I go on Facebook and see yet another post about one of my friends expecting. How could I feel this way towards someone I care about? I should be joyess for them, but all I feel is pain. I turn my anger towards my partner. Tearing down the man I love, blaming him for our lack of conception. How was this his fault? We were both doing everything that we could physically do to bring life into this world. This spiritual journey has helped me with that. You have to own up to the things that are happening in your life. Remember “you” and only you create the life you want.

In the book The Maps the author states that you should specify your intentions in order to manifest them. I had been manifesting bring life into this world which obviously wasn’t specific enough. 6 weeks ago my cat had kittens and and my boyfriend aided in her labor so my manifestation did happen, we helped her bring life into this world.  With certain things that you are praying for or trying to manifest you should make sure to specify them, example instead of saying, “I want to bring life into this world with my partner” I could have said “I intend to create life in my womb with my partner, I intend for us to have a baby together in the next couple of months, I intend for it to be a healthy pregnancy” that was very specific and conveyed exactly what I want.

Deleting my Facebook has really helped me get full experiences out of my life so far. I don’t feel the need to make a status every time I do something and I don’t feel obligated to try to mimic someone else’s life. I’ve set out my intentions and I am working on manifesting them on my own. In the end we have the power to have the life we want. We can’t blame anyone for the things we don’t have because we have the ability to obtain everything that the universe has to offer. You just have to believe, free your mind, and be open to how that manifestation happens.

Sincerely me