Back on Track

Back on Track

Since the days of my Evo training I’ve been scared and vulnerable when entering the new world around me. For those of you who don’t know I finally took the step and attended a sort of spiritual emotionally healing training a couple weekends ago. Entering the training I wasn’t sure of what to expect. I thought it was going to be a lot of chanting and meditation; However I was wrong. This training was so life changing I wish I never had to leave. We went in as strangers and left as a family. I myself left so ready to take on the world around me with my new found tools. I felt a switch turn on inside me and I was ready to heal.

During the training we worked on anger, trama, and many other things. Things I won’t ruin for you in case you ever have the amazing opportunity to take the course, which I will say a million times over, has changed my life. From previous blogs you all know how I’ve felt hurt and betrayed by several people, I’ve also experienced a lot of loss that I felt I’d never be able to heal from. Since taking this training I can say those portions of my life I’m feeling much better about.

I see things a little differently now. I’m attempting to not get so angry and hurt by people and their actions. I tell myself I have a choice for it to affect me or not. It’s really been helping me. Before I would allow myself to be so hurt and affected by people and tge things they did or said to me. Now I just keep it out of my bubble. I’m feeling much happier and the people around me can tell that I’ve had a spiritual shift. It feels amazing to be back on track.

Some updates:

1) operation manifesting a little mess has began again so love and baby dust sent our way is much needed❤

2) I’m available again for any help you guys might need along your journey. My email is theurbanhippiemac@gmail.com

3) medication free again. Since the training I’ve stopped taking my anxiety and depression medication and I’m feeling much better. I don’t recommend you do so without discussing it with your doctor or medical professional. But for me it’s the choice I’ve had to make.

4)  Still vegan and going strong. It could have a lot to do with the better state of mind I’m in as well.

In closing I want you to all know I enjoy getting your emails and hearing from you. It’s nice to be so supported and encouraged. I hope the nest for all of you along your spiritual quest.

Advertisements

You’re one of the good ones

“I’ll make you fear me, you know what I’m capable of! You should be afraid!” Words jabbed into my heart like a knife. This coming from the man I went to bat for a couple years ago. The look of hate and anger in his eyes showed me just how wrong I was to believe he would never put a hand on someone he loved. My Uncle knows that I am a victim of domestic violence; however this man is no longer my uncle. The cocktail of substances that he chooses to consume has taken over and he has lost who he was. My Uncle would never treat  me in such a way. He was gone and it was time to morn another loss.


This week has been a challenging one for me. My great uncle passed away after a long fight with hepatitis. It created liver cancer and he went out with his boots one. My uncle was a kind man. Such a gentle soul. He was the “Cupples” I strived to be like. Not like this monster before me spitting as he spoke in my face chest to chest. In previous blogs I wrote about going to court with my uncle and standing beside him as he told the judge he never layer a finger on my grandfather. Now I’m seeing first hand that this must have been a lie. I felt foolish in that moment. It was like the world around me got quiet as he was in my face trying to take up for a man who he weeks ago decided would be “dead to him”. I remembered how he used to be and recalled all the events and details up until this point. When did he stray? When did he become this man before me? Name calling, spewing violence during such a hard time. Something I’ve noticed is death causes people to act in such a hateful way. This day was not the time nor the place for him to get so out of control. 

I speak of forgiveness often. You must forgive people, not for them, but for yourself. What a load to carry with you. Hate and anger toward someone else for wronging you. You can choose to forgive them, not forget and allow them to do the same, but forgive them and move on with no burden or weight. But with my uncle it would be hard. I gave up so much for him because I believed him. With help of others along the years with brainwashing me against my family. Pitting me against certain people. I believed he was right and my papa must have lost his mind. My uncle could never do such a thing. But I’m sure now after these series of devastating events that I was wrong.

How do you forgive someone who has wronged you so bad? I’m not quit sure. I’m finding myself letting go of him. Lately when I’m wrong by someone so harshly It’s like my mind won’t allow me to see the wrong doing. Only to good memories. I feel as if they have passed to another side where I can no longer speak with them. And only the bad person that’s stolen their body remains. Their heart and soul is in a better place and I can speak to them as if I’m speaking to a lost loved one in heaven. I get the urge to call them during times I usually would but just like people in heaven you remember you can’t. It’s hard, but I think it’s my coping mechanism. 

Times like these make it hard for me. As most of you know I’m fighting bipolar depression everyday. I choose to do so with no medication. Is it recommended, no, but I have to do what I feel is right for myself. I’ve been having dark thoughts lately with all that is going on. But I have a great support system that keeps me going. You can’t stop the good fight. I believe I was put on this earth for a purpose. All of us were. We are divine creatures created to do good. Even when life gets rough don’t let it change who you are. My Nana used to tell me,”dont let the world turn your heart cold, you’re one of the good ones.” You’re must remember that during hard times. As much as I want to close everyone out, turn of my lights, and lock my doors I can’t. I’ve worked so hard these past years since beginning this spiritual journey to open up, branch out, and just love people with all I’ve got. If they don’t reciprocate it that’s fine, let them go. But don’t let it define your. Don’t let it turn your heart dark.

I suggest everyone blog, vlog, write, sing about their emotions. Just get it out. It’s the best medicine. If people wanted you to write highly of them, they should have behaved better.